The debut novel from Alex Falcone and Ezra Fox from the hit podcast Read it and Weep.
Sofia is just a normal high school girl--worried about getting her homework done and looking cool in the lunchroom--when HE shows up: a devastatingly handsome new kid, mysteriously covered in decaying bandages and staring at her from the empty holes where his eyes should be. She thinks he's just a hipster, but is there more to this handsome stranger than meets the eye?
Yes. He's a mummy. We're not really making a secret about this. The twist is he's a mummy. It's a book about a girl who falls in love with a mummy.
We've read young adult books about teenage girls unknowingly falling in love with vampires, werewolves, angels, demons, fairies, mermen, warlocks, dreamwalkers, and trolls. Seriously, there was one about trolls. It's time for mummies, dammit. It's time for mummies.
"Easy and compelling read. A book written in the young adult style yet appealing to readers of all ages."
-anonymous on Amazon
"Clumsy girls falling in love with supernatural creatures has never been so dusty. This book is very funny, very modern, a wonderful escape. And a great book, not just a fun gag!"
-angelar on amazon
"If you're a twilight fan you will definitely love reading about a Mummy instead of a Vampire."
-Lisa on Amazon
Not convinced yet? Read a sample chapter and you will be.
Unwrap My Heart is available in these fine formats:
Is this real?
You actually wrote a book about a girl falling in love with a mummy?
We did, yes.
So is it a Twilight parody?
It has a bit of that, yes, but so much more. It's more of an answer to the things we thought were wrong with books like Twilight.
But isn't it like 10 years too late for a Twilight parody?
Is there mummy sex?
You'll have to read it to find out.
Okay, I'm back. I read it and there isn't any mummy sex.
Obviously there isn't any mummy sex! That would be gross! Not to mention impossible: he could never become aroused, he's a preserved corpse covered in decaying bandages. Even if he magically could, the bandages would prevent him from using his engorged mummy dong. Even if they didn't, the moisture would destroy his careful preservation. Even if it didn't, IT WOULD BE SO GROSS.
Also we needed to save something for the next book.
Oh, so there's a sequel?
Not yet. Hopefully not ever, but we also said we wouldn't write this book and look where that got us.
Where did that get us?
A weird FAQ section that is really just an imagined dialogue with a strawman.
Are you saying I'm not real?
Tell me, what do you see in this picture?
Doesn't look like anything to me.
That's what I thought.